Life being me.
Let me introduce myself. I am a good student, I get good grades, I am polite to elders, I do domestic chores. Nobody could blame me for being a bad person, daughter, granddaughter. But I am blamed. My fucking mom started her as a woman's carrier really early and therefore I come in this world when she was only 20 years old. And that's why I am suffering the consequences of her failure. Not I fucked with barely known boy in a middle of a woods, not I decided that I want to be a mother, but I am suffering the consequences. Whole my life she wanted to see me growing up, being elder than I was. I haven't done anything bad during my teenage years, I haven't caused her any problems, worries.
I tried to enjoy every day of my life, I smiled as crazy, I laughed and done everything to be happy. But happiness isn't something what could be brought in gloomy life. My gloomy Sunday started when i was 11years old. Then it was the first time when i felt disappointed of life. I remember, I said to myself that I will reach 13 and then if nothing good happens I will retreat from this life, end my journey early. It was a good plan, but I have always been a coward.
And now I think I have had enough of this life. I have had enough of my mother, who always is so demanding, disappointed. I am not able to be better, i don't know how that would be possible. And this summer i was a perfect daughter. I am 18 years old and I agreed to live with my grandmother, to respect her rules. I haven't participated in any party since the last school years ended. I was interested only in getting a driving licence and doing domestic chores around home. I regret my summer. I regret all my teenager years. I regret that I tried firstly to be good to my mother, family and not for myself. I regret listening my mother's and grandmothers advices. They were useless. Not only I am a stupid girl but also i am not capable to communicate with people. I lost everything by being a good daughter.

my two wishes were: to live my life without wanting to get another opportunity; love myself.

I failed

I am begging for the destiny to get another life, another family, personality, because I cannot stand myself.

Goodbye cruel cruel world.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v =N2fGWQKbX68