Wherever You May Go

Patrick Horstruck’s journal
November 23, 2666
It happened again last night a bit after midnight. I made myself the bed. Turned off the light. Was about to sleep. A silent knock on the front door. Then another. And another. Wrapped myself tight in the blanket and closed my eyes. In fact, didn’t have to do it. It was dark. Pitch black. I was terrified. She rustled at the door like dead autumn leaves. Only there are no leaves but snow outside. She scratched against my bedroom windows, wriggling around the house. Trying to get in. And then silence. Empty silence. I was terrified. In fact, still am. Writing this in daylight in a cheap coffee-shop. Can’t be alone any more. Not alone. Not at home.

Patrick Horstruck’s journal
November 24, 2666
Can’t bear it any longer. Am I going mad? She came again last night. Knocking scratching rubbing. I considered emptying my medicine chest. Couldn’t make myself do it. Got another idea. Called Robertson and told him I’m in. I’m in as long as it takes me far from this wretched planet. Light-years parsecs from here parsecs from that scratching rubbing knocking… Yes, and I’ve thrown that damned ring into a river. That cursed ring into a river. Down it goes that cursed diamond down it goes down it goes hope I never see that bloody ring again.

Alice Everdson’s journal
December 3, 2666
I’m leaning against a pillow in my room aboard “Thanatos”. We left the orbit of the Earth seven hours ago. Only seven hours have passed, and all those decades left to go till we reach Aaru and join the other colonists. I was drenched with longing while gazing at the Earth, the azure bubble with little puffs of clouds. Oh, the Earth, that extraordinary sapphire in the shawl of space-time, the gem which I‘m never again going to lay my eyes on. Oh, the Earth looked so beautiful, and it pressed on my chest so hard.
My partner in this voyage, Patrick, is a strange bloke. Silent and nervous he is. And I don’t particularly like the idea that I’ll have to spend decades with him alone in this tiny spaceship.

Alice Everdson’s journal
December 8, 2666
The universe is a mysterious black satin strewn with little shiny jewels. Oh, the stars! The stars are precious diamonds. Look! How they glitter. Oh, how beautiful they look. Patrick is way better now, it seems quite enjoying the voyage and the stars. He talks more and is even quite funny occasionally. A funny thing happened yesterday. We took a bottle of Chardonnay from a storage room and had a lovely evening. After a second glass had been dried to the bottom, I felt a little dizzy and aroused. Patrick seemed totally relaxed and in a good mood, and it turned me on. Making love in total darkness, gazing at the stars through the porthole – that is what I’ve never done before.

Alice Everdson’s journal
December 10, 2666
The strangest thing happened yesterday at supper. We were eating tinned meat with peas when we heard something. The sound was so silent that at first I confused it with the chirping of the ship’s computer. We hushed and listened carefully. And there it was! A knock on the hatch of the ship’s airlock! A knock from outside. It was so bizarre. We are travelling in space at the speed near the speed of light. And it wasn’t just some random sound – something was scratching on the outward side of the airlock hatch. I looked at Patrick and I felt my heart freeze in my chest. His face lost all the colour and he looked as pale as the walls of the operating theatre. Horror, the unthinkable horror glistened in his eyes, and for a short moment I thought he knew what it was. The sound ceased momentarily, but I couldn’t recover for the whole evening if I can call it that. Patrick went into his room and did not show up till this morning.

Patrick Horstruck’s journal
December 11, 2666
No no no. Not again. Not here. Even here she doesn’t let me go. Knocking scratching rubbing. I can’t bear it stop stop chasing after me stop leave me alone please why don’t you leave me alone?

Alice Everdson’s journal
December 12, 2666
I’m afraid. I’m so madly terrified I can’t find a place for myself. Scratching at the airlock hatch returned. Pounding all around the ship as if It, whatever it is, was curling around, something heavy trying to find a crack to slip in.

Patrick Horstruck’s journal
December 13, 2666
I’m gonna kill myself. There’s no escape. She’s all around above under the ship. She moves that sound can’t listen no more stop stop I wanna die gonna kill myself and Alice she’s terrified I see I know that yes I’m gonna end this yes.

Patrick Horstruck’s journal
December 14, 2666
Diamond! Found a diamond on my bed that diamond the ring with diamond the ring I dumped into the river and letter the letter tore it to pieces hate you I hate you leave me alone why are you tormenting me so much why please please cant stand it any longer I need to do  something need to do  something need to do  something razor blade yesss razorr screw you gon na killl myself alice first her she yess she doesnt have to sufer hate you see hatee you I hope y ou kno w hate y ou whore whore whore WHORE WHORE WHOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Alice Everdson’s journal
December 14, 2666
Vast, empty and cold, space surrounds me from above, from beneath, from all around me. It stretches to all directions, the great void of emptiness and lifelessness. The dark and lonely abyss. At this point the noises do not cease anymore. They are constant, never retreating and more intense. The ship’s quivering because of the outside force, the boundless void squeezing it. I can barely see any stars through the porthole. I locked myself inside my room. Patrick frightens me now more than those strange noises do. His eyes… they’re like crystal balls, there’s madness in them.  Patrick tried to open the door. I didn’t unlock them. He left. I’m so afraid.

Alice Everdson’s journal
December 15, 2666
Silence. Empty silence. It stopped and somehow it’s even more frightening, unbearable. I have to leave my room and find out where is Patrick. I have to. My heart is jumping in my chest.
I’m back in my room. Patrick’s killed himself. I’m all alone in the void, alone with that thing lingering outside. Maybe I should kill myself too? Can I do it?

Alice Everdson’s journal
December 16, 2666
It returned. It’s angry. No, it’s furious. I feel Its rage. It’s squeezing the ship. Darkness. Darkness everywhere. All the stars went out outside my ship, just blackness, absolute blackness. I’m so terrified. Yesterday I found something in Patrick’s room, a golden ring with a diamond and a torn letter. It’s a crazy unthinkable nightmare. I’ll wake up it can’t be real no it can’t. The lights are out. Oh God! I’m in total darkness except the slight glow of my tablet. Darkness. No stars. It growls. The ship is dying. Oh God my time is up. I hear it. The hatch wheel of the airlock is turning. Im going to die im going to be sucked out oh god im so sca red m ake it    qu ick                m ake                  it                o  h          g


Martha Horstruck’s letter to Patrick Horstruck, January 15, 2666
Dear Patrick,
If you are reading this letter, it means I am no longer in this world. My heart is breaking writing this, but I do not know how much time I still have on my hands. Doctors say only hours. I hope you won’t judge me too harsh for secrets I kept from you. Some things are better left unknown. Though I have to reveal you one secret, nonetheless.
I got a Horx virus when I was a child. For all these years I thought the treatment was successful, but I was proved wrong yesterday. It bit back like a nightmare from childhood that comes back to haunt you as an adult. It lingered inside me, waited to strike again, while I was living my life unknowing, planning the future I will never have. It squeezes me, it eats me from inside, and I am so sorry I never told you about it.
I wish I could tell you directly how much I love you. I wish I could see your face at least via a hologram, but my call won’t reach you in time on Mars. Ah, what a cruel destiny. When you come from your aunt’s, you’ll find our house empty except this letter, the monument of my eternal love for you. What a cruel surprise for you. You leave just for a couple of days, your loved one healthy and all, and, when you return, what you find is only ashes.
Patrick, my dear Patrick, do you remember the evening three years ago in Space Academy? Do you remember, when we looked at the stars, and dreamed of graduating and going there, to thousands of unexplored worlds? Remember, I told you I would be with you forever, wherever you may go? I’ll be with you, your little Matty. I lament over the days that might have been, over the voyages we would have made. My eyes are flooding with tears. I cannot stop, oh, Patrick. Oh, but I still can somewhat keep my promise. When I die, I‘ll be cremated. I‘ve already arranged that. And my ashes will be pressed into a diamond, and the diamond will be put on a golden ring, and you will wear this ring, and I will be with you forever. Oh, Patrick, I‘m getting sentimental again like a character form a nineteenth century novel, but I want you to know that I love you with all my heart, and that I will never leave you. Oh Patrick, I love you, love you, love you so much. Wherever you may go, I’ll be with you.
Yours forever,
Martha