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<…>

Saturday morning. Marylebone, London, 1961.

Michael was looking forward to this day all week. Before closing the door, he quickly put on his hat and went downstairs. It was pouring outside. As he was walking towards the bus station, he badly scuffed his black brogue to a cobblestone on the street. He couldn't stop thinking about it right until the moment he entered Savile Row...

Michael Keynes was well liked at his work place. Perhaps due to his father like figure, colleagues and people in his circle would seek personal advice from him. Michael was satisfied with his way of life even though he did not have a family himself which according to his mother defines a man. He was a creature of habit. He knew that being complacent is probably the worst realization one could make, let alone be happy about it. But he was. He liked picking up that overpriced Daily Mirror from a neighbour boy on his way to work. He enjoyed feeding those pigeons at the Trafalgar square on Sundays. He even loved observing the beggars near the underground stations. They were predictable, as was Michael.

Michael was a commercial paper clerk at Barings bank. Despite being average at his job, he had been gradually promoted to a manager, managing a Kingdom of chopped up wood with numbers on it as he liked to say. Michael was ordinary in all ways but one. Wearing a suit that fits you well is like having a natural extension of one self, one that tells you who you are and where you come from before you open your mouth. This pearl of wisdom was imparted by his late father who Michael held to a high regard. Visiting a tailor was not a chore, it was a privilege. Michael loved being a part of the ritual where pieces of cloth were crafted for him and no one else. It was personal. After all, without clothes, we are just animals, he pondered...

Henry, Michael's tailor, was just off Savile Row but it didn't stop him from advertising as being based in the famous street. The assistant opened the door for Michael.

- Morning, Mr. Keynes. Can I take your coat?
- Good Morning. Sorry, I have not met you before, you must be new.
- Yes Sir. Name's Albert.
- Good to meet you, Albert. Here you go - Michael handed over the coat and went ahead.

In the lounge, there was a man sitting with his legs crossed, smoking and reading a newspaper. He was holding a corner of the page with his right hand as if about to turn to read the international section. The man was dangling his left foot and his loafer was about to fall off. It was not his first time here. But all Michael could think about was whether he bought that newspaper from a boy in his neighbourhood... Michael turned to Albert.

- Tell me, Albert, how did you know it was me at the door?
- Henry told me, Sir, you'd be here 10: 15 sharp.
- Well-oiled machine you have here.
- Yes Sir. Tea or Coffee, Sir?
Michael smiled.
- Tea it is.
- Thank you, Albert.
Michael found it peculiar that the boy didn't take his hat as well so he put it on the table for Albert to see.
- Chilly out there? The man in the lounge asked as he was folding the newspaper.
- Reasonably.
- I am Winston Grimes, friend of Henry's.
- Michael Keynes, long-time customer. Nice to meet you, Mr. Grimes.
- Likewise.
After few seconds of silence, Grimes spoke
- These Ruskies... I do not understand them - he said exhaustingly pointing at a headline in the newspaper... - It is as if mutually assured destruction does not deter them.
- When you do not have anything else to lose... - Michael replied. He was distracted, looking around the room.
- What about their life? Their children's lives…
- You assume, Mr. Grimes, that life is the ultimate price to pay.
- I do not assume anything… What do you do for a living, Mr. Keynes?
- Michael, please.
- Splendid. What's your job, Michael?
- I shuffle papers at a bank, make sure things add up... And yours?
- I suppose, I make sure things add up as well. The only difference is, I can subtract too when they don't.

Michael was not sure what Grimes meant. He knew, however, Winston was not Henry's client. For one, the shirt was too small for such a well-built man – the buttons looked as if they were about to shoot out... Funnily enough, the suit jacket was too loose on the waist and the material... Well, it was not Henry's way... Probably the best suit one could afford on a civil servant's salary, Michael thought...

- Do you work in the government, Mr. Grimes?

<…>
2013-04-24 00:10
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2013-04-28 23:34
Harvey Grimes
I agree, a lot of texts in this section of rasyk.lt, are scribbled in a quick / mind flow manner. Sometimes, frankly, it feels like sifting through sewage. And more often it simply could be written in better quality.
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2013-04-28 22:42
Kailas Spenseris
By "it doesn't reek of casuality" I mean that there are a lot of texts here that are folded in the same casual manner. Whilst there is nothing wrong in it, I am sure it may have its audience, I am not a fan, nor do I believe there is a true potential in that. But everyone has their taste. And you just don't call a girl like me a buddy. Truly, Harvey.
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2013-04-28 21:39
Harvey Grimes
As for the dialogues, I'm changing my mind all together about author's right to intervene in it. In the future, my aim is to completely take out "narrating" the conversation.

Also, I am not sure I understand what you mean by "It doesn't reek of casuality"...
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2013-04-28 21:33
Harvey Grimes
Agreed re Michael and generally the text needs editing to have a better flow. As for punctuation, I do allow myself  certain liberties here and there. But thanks.

These excerpts are (will be) 5-7% per chapter. I'm trying to have a sufficient opening for a character. Giving enough information to understand text that follows. If you are saying that Michael is lacking depth from what you have read so far, I must say that it is deliberate. His character's traits, psychology, etc will unfold gradually.

As for intrigue, you must have not read earlier excerpt from chapter 2. I posted it few months ago (it's slightly more raw than this one). If you had, you'd made the connection that (SPOILER) Winston is about to recruit Michael (attempt?). Through this, depth of Michael's character will be explored.

Thanks for your feedback, buddy.
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2013-04-28 20:55
Kailas Spenseris
All the first three paragraphs (except the one that indicates the date and place) start off with "Michael" and before the third paragraph, the second also ends with "Michael" - it seems like a detail, but it does clog up the text. Instead of the name and pronoun "he", you can think of many other alternatives, such as "the young man" and so on. As for the dialogues, sometimes you lack punctuation - dashes, commas and dots. For example: - Good to meet you, Albert. Here you go - Michael handed over the coat and went ahead.; - Chilly out there? The man in the lounge asked as he was folding the newspaper. Such are the technicalities. Now, concerning the text itself: there is too little to say something specific about it. If you're going to publish a part 2, make sure it's longer because you are already making the reader wait for a part, at least make it worthy of the wait, don't be so impudent, ah? It doesn't reek of casuality, at least, and that is sort of an unconscious little promise. Hopefully, there will be an intrigue with the character and a certain construction behind the simple mask you wrap him into.
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2013-04-27 20:18
Harvey Grimes
let's hear it, folks :)
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