new

people gather around my body. i'm long gone. or am I still here? looking at all of them? I fly high above the mountains and seas. I'm nowhere and everywhere. i'm free at last but so confused. am I really dead? am I dead because they see me dead. Am I dead because its written? am i someone else now? finally I can get my feet off the ground and fly. but my heart is exploding: not sure if I can leave everything I was capable to carry in it... my friends and loves I cherished so much. all my journeys I left behind. roads and rails travel led. nights and dawns in my eyes slowly vanishing in the threshold of the music in my headphones. all my joys and regrets. my mother who has always believed in my mistakes and greatest victories over such small things... and my father whom I have never known.  are they somewhere there? beyond my essence. I hear angels speaking to me and devils below them. everything merges into one bright light which is so secretly holy I can't understand. what should I do? should I follow them? should I forget? whom I was? whom I wanted to be? songs of my generation will be long forgotten when a memory of me fades.  i cry deeply and silently because I don't have eyes to cry like i would normally do. it's an inside feeling. a one which i hold on to. the feeling of attachment to the life I was so eager to end differently. but now I'm here incapable to change anything. my closest friend grabs his head then beats his wounded chest. and his heart bleeds out while seeing me as I lay there dead as a rock. can I tell him that everything's all right? suddenly I hear a blast and my worried soul emerges somewhere else. I think it's the purgatory. i'm being judged by forces I haven't seen before. my soul's against thousands years of knowledge... do I stand a chance? do I get to see my loved ones again? is this the end? i breathe for the last time in... a lifetime? and then... just. calmness. I have passed the judgment, but I don't feel anything. I'm not sad though I'm not happy either. slowly the memories of my previous life start to fade. like a rubber eraser destroying pencil letters on a fresh sheet of paper.. and now... now the light of it makes me... new. agai...