Wreckage

You go, I stare at your back. Long curvy legs carry you to the black SUV. You look so small standing near the car, so vulnerable, so broken but I only watch your back…

This whole fucked up story started this morning. Once again we got into a heated argument about something stupid. Razor-blade sharp words leaving your huge mouth. Crashing against my skin like rain of glittery glass.

“I hate you! ” Lies, all lies. They are everywhere. Vomiting, spewing the poison out of your system.

Eyes, those beautiful dark eyes, cutting me from the inside with nasty glares. Shivers, tiny ants traveling down my bare back. You repeat the same words over and over again like a broken record, ‘though every time louder, plunging the knife harder into my dead heart. I can only stare at you, as you continue to wound me with sick phrases. And then you hit me… I can still feel your hot hand on my cheek. Time freezes, as we both stare at each other, not knowing, what to do…

Scared, hurt, shattered from the inside. Can you hear the bitter laughter in your head? You finally did it. You finally crossed the line, you finally became a monster, or this is what you think. I gaze at your beautiful face. I watch as the color leaves it and you stand there with tears rolling down you porcelain skin. You did not mean it. I swear you did not. Lifting my hand up, I try to brush the tears away, try to show you, that I do not care but you are too ashamed, too disgusted to be comforted. Long, slim legs running out of the room. You can not leave!

I rush after you but the look you give me shatters all the hope to chase you down. You can not leave me! Please do not leave me….

The car door snaps shut with a loud bang. You drive away…

Shaking like a leaf, I rise to my feet. My soul weeps, my heart grieves, I forget how to breath. For a moment I stand there gasping for air, like a fish without water. For a moment my eyes widen and I stop functioning properly, because the incredible pain is shredding me from the inside. Tearing me apart, burning my sensitive flesh. Tall clumsy body hitting the ground with a thud and only gasps for air, nothing more.

You told me I am beautiful, but I am nothing compared to you…

It got dark outside. It got cold outside and inside. Numb, not feeling, dead. A living corpse. Have you ever experienced that feeling? Just laying still, just breathing, because your brain wants you to. Blank eyes, dull… You never came back, you were supposed to.

The phone vibrates in my pocket. I somehow manage to reach it and answer the call.

There was a car crash…

A hysterical laughter escapes my chapped lips, soon I scream out loud, hitting my hands against the rough surface until they bleed. I don’t feel anything. I want to feel! I want to… But I can’t. Until I’ll be with you, I’m dying on my own .

My body races to the nearest car, I pick up a rock and throw it at the window, somehow I manage to start the silver Audi and drive away. So far from home. Speeding, long dark hair dancing in the wind, blurry lights laughing at my misery, they will fade away.

But yet still you are the same

I rush into the hospital, my head spins and swirls, while I follow the nurse. My fingers grab your hand and I cling to you for my dear life. Blue eyes scanning the wounded face and bandaged head. Broken limbs, dried blood. I never should have let you go. I should have gone after you!

“ Beautiful. ”

I choke out, trying to shake the tears away. They told me, that God will take you away by the morning. Lovingly I nuzzle my face into your palm, slowly dying inside. Can’t stop the suffering in my head. This is all my fault. If I could pull you from the wreckage…We'd be all fine, oh lord, don't tell me this is happening. If I could hold you for a second, we'd be all right, oh lord, don't tell me this is happening.

You promised, you won’t leave me… And I’ll never get far from you.

The sound of steady beeping stops and horrified I stare at the heart monitor. My heart jumps in my throat and I refuse to believe my eyes and ears. Doctors rush inside, they try to push me away but I will never get far from you.

You go, and I stare at your back, ‘though this time I go with you…