My dearest cat

At first it was my cat

Then it was my grandma
I think
I don’t remember her well.

Then it was my other grandma
This one I knew better
We used to play cards when I was young
And she would let me cheat
And beat her

Then it was my mother
She died of breast cancer
I am not sure I knew her
We had our moments
Not very many

Then it was my dad
He died somehow
Ehh I never bothered to find out
Maybe heart disease? Maybe liver?
Maybe he was taken
Maybe he took himself
Maybe he took off?

Then it was my friend
Who was found hanging
On a Cristmas tree
In the middle of a forest.
Poor suicide, I am almost angry at him.
Yet he was close to me
And we had all our Christmas planned out

Then it was some rando
He was walking peacfully
Until a train walked over him
I only saw an arm
Fly past my window
Never again did I ride that beast
From now on - only strolls through trees

Then it was all these people
In my life
And I lived longer than them
Maybe I was a witness to God?
Probably, I keep a record
Of each death; and the privillege I had
To be there, so close to it.
Calmness flows through my body
When I remember
I will never have to experience
The awareness
Of being dead.

The one thing that bugs me is that
I don’t think I ever got over
The death of my cat