Game of Duality

I am double-faced.
The game of dice is the determinant of my life
In the morning I prophesy myself - will I be me or not?
The next day, I beg the dice to show odd numbers

Why am I doing this? ”You ask me
I don’t know why I hide under curtains every evening
As soon as the sun turns away from my window
I close the dark curtains to open up to myself

I can’t play a role when I’m tired
I'm tired often,
I have to close the curtains,
That no one, but no one, may see me

So my room turned into my backstage
Stage - field, yard, school, shop
Even the window is my scene - my neighbors see me,
And I have to play a role for them

I feel better about acting through suffering
Why not...
Life is a circus
I laugh at everything, I make fun out of myself

The end of the game is not set - this is the principle of pleasure
My will is in my hands, I am manipulating myself
It's a puppet, a masquerade of feminism in the true sense.

I am scattered, looking at the cracked image on the floor:
It's like a broken vase, I'm a mosaic
Out of the broken shards, I am so glued together
It's a statue, but it never returns ...

At which point in my life I became an actress?
I don't know.
But I keep playing.