Unbelievable things had happened..

Some people say that to be happy is easy as 2*2=4.. maybe my
way of life is different.. if so, it is definitely my fault..

I enjoyed living someone else life. I became a doll. An actress.

After long time being a doll, I decided to stop all this
shit.. Yes, everything around me smelled bad and so did I.
While pretending a star of sheep movie I lost my pure..
became a woman, started to drink, to smoke.. I even tried doing drugs
... Of period when everything looked new I became a stranger to my family and I lost my
closest friends trying to make them the same as me.

Now I am quite refreshed. It is no use to try to forget past,
but now I believe in myself. In my future. And that is the point
of everything. At least i thought so..

I met my past.. I met one man from my past. From the
beginning of darkness. Of period, when everything looked new
and I wanted to try everything for the first time. So I met
my past face to face. It was with my free will. And with my
past I met another man. I thought he is my friend. I thought
he knows me. Me, just me, simple me. I felt safety. It was
the first time then I wanted to hug man, not to kiss or to
have sex from the first meeting.. He looked cute. Dark
blond hear, perfect hear cut, blue eyes, not too thin, not
too big.. Fashionable but not too much.. He looked gentle,
simple and confidence, with good sense of humor. Like from
magazine's cover and house man at the same time. He looked
perfect to me. He had to be my past, present and my future.
But life usually makes things difficult. I can't let
myself to lose my head and lose the wall between past and
present.   

Now I have a man, who loves me. At least I hope so..
Remember, I said that now I believe in myself? Almost
everything who I believe is true or at least will become
true. I just know it. But I can't say that „I know, this man
loves me from all his heart and so do I“.. After all, he is
a great guy. You won't meet a man like he is on the street or
in the club. He is just different. And I can say proudly, I
am different too. I know that I have my way of life and
somehow somewhere I will find man who will be another part
of me. And I'll be full. Full of joy, love.. My life will
become as simple as that 2*2=4 formula. It's my faith and I
believe in it.