Gerbiamas Elfegas Sinusai, nezymimas artikelis pries "nigt" siuo atveju netinka. Siuo atveju reiketu naudoti zymimaji artikeli, "the". Nors manau, jog rimas pirmajame stulpelyje yra geras. Tik dar truksta zymimamojo artikelio pries "darkness". Siame kurinelyje, yra daug tokiu mazyciu niuansu, kuriuos reiketu pakoreguoti, bet del laiko trukumo, apie juos nepradesiu. Manau, jog ideja yra grazi, tik kad daznai, grazioms idejoms truksta sugebejimo. Na, o siuo atveju, ko gero sugebejimas reiskia zinias. Kita vertus, sekmes!
Little corrections that might soil the rhyme in some places.
For a night to come in;
the darkness (night's I hope you mean);
will be the companions to me;
the lonelies (hardly think it's a right word) -maybe solitaries or hermits (with a shift of the meaning a bit);
like a star ... like a fairy's spell magic flow;
the wind brought me your vision - (to - unnecessary) or ... brought your vision to me;
... no sound of a violin;
.. without any (better) goodbye - farewell would be even better;
but my heart ...
Quite a romantic, fragile and delicate poem. Sounds pleasant and sweet.
"You're living in me
As I'm drowning in you."
Šios eilutės atrodo lyg iš kažkur "pasiskolintos". Na, arba jos tokios geros, kad net atrodo nerealios, neįtikėtinos :)
Visa kita vertinu vidutiniškai - visgi manau, kad esame stipresni gimtąją kalba kurdami gėrį ;)