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How was the canon invented?
Two violists were trying to play the same passage together.

Why are violas so large?
It's an optical illusion. It's not that the violas are large; just that the viola players' heads are so small.

Did you hear about the violist who bragged that he could play 32nd notes?
The rest of the orchestra didn't believe him, so he proved it by playing one.

What instrument do violists envy most?
The harp. You only ever have to play pizzicato on open strings.

2011-07-21 15:49

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2011-07-23 00:36

jamais_vue

The violist in the back of the orchestra section turned to his stand partner when the page was filled with sixteenth notes and said, "You'd better take this. I have a wife and kids.

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2011-07-23 00:17

jamais_vue

A group of terrorists hijacked a plane full of violists. They called down to ground control with their list of demands and added that if their demands weren't met, they would release one violist every hour.

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2011-07-21 15:55

jamais_vue

A violinist noticed at the end of each rehearsal break, one of the violists would look at the inside flap of his jacket before he sat down to resume rehearsal. This continued for several decades, and the violinist became quite curious about it. One day, during hot weather, the violist took off his jacket and went off on break. The violinist waited until everyone was off the platform, looked around, and sneaked over to the jacket. He pulled back the flap and saw a little note pinned on the inside. It read: "viola left hand, bow right."

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2011-07-21 15:52

jamais_vue

An American orchestra had just arrived in Europe for a two-week tour. One hour before the first concert, the conductor became very ill and was unable to conduct, and the orchestra suddenly had to find a substitute. The orchestra manager asked everyone in the orchestra whether they could step in and conduct, and the only person who was willing was the last chair violist.

The manager was very nervous about this. "We can't audition you," he said.

"No problem," replied the violist.

"There's no time to rehearse. You'll have to do the concert cold."

"I know. It'll be all right."

The violist conducted the concert and it was a smashing success. Since the conductor remained ill for the duration of the tour, the violist conducted all of the concerts, getting rave reviews and standing ovations at each one.

At the next rehearsal, the conductor had recovered, and the violist took his place at the back of the viola section. As he sat down, his stand partner asked him "Where've you been for the last two weeks?"

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