rašyk.lt: Dienoraštis / Toni J Blue / ***

i need someone to comfort me. not with words, it's not enough! not anymore.

i drown in my own sadness that is so bitter- sweet, i lose myself in this mad vision of my own pains and own recoverings. it's beautiful. as beautiful as tears can be, finally melting down and floading deserted and- most probably- forgotten roads....so comfort will know its way. or worse, when grief- the real and most mature grief- takes no tears and only hardens one's breathing with random cries of self-destructive agony... it burns.

it's all burnt out. no solitude of mind, no isolation can bring the tears. i need some comfort that can only be given by another heart as much addicted to the pain, as mine. i need other eyes to cry, so there's enough flesh for my own; i need other lips to whisper sorrows, so there's a stronger echoing to the ones of my own..

self-pitying isn't the exact word to desribe the state. it's deeper than sophiticated commentary or 'temporary season break-down' can make any sense out of it...

it's sick. it's impossible for me to be 'normal' . i do not fit myself in the environment: there are no dialogues to be said that would make any sense to me, there is no smile left for others, so to say, to behave 'nicely'..and basically, there's no one to listen....

no one to drift away together..

..to drown in agony

to live the d e a t h

18:19p.m.
3/14/4
VL-LT

By Toni 'J' Blue

2004-03-14 18:30

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