Lonely Insomniac

Shivers were crawling up and down my spine, as cold air curled up against my exposed flesh. Bare feet soundlessly padded down the path leading me to paranoia... White fingertips ran through the orange silk, for the thousand time getting tangled in the itchy knots. Pieces of shattered breaths escaped my comatosed lungs, while I desperately tried not to drown, choking on my own pungent saliva. Whispers, moans, whines of threes and grass kept on hitting my scull, creating a horrid echo, which gave me a catastrophic headache.

Veins throbbed beneath my milky skin, producing an undeniable itch. Digging blunt fingernails into the ghostly pale cover, I ignored the ruby red liquid, which freely seeped from the butterfly wing scars, scattered throughout the whole body, as a pattern of dusty freckles. An owl sang trills quietly, although it still sounded strange and deformed to my sensitive ears. I craved freedom like a bird with broken wings. I wished to run away and never look back, however my tiny form was controlled by stronger desire. Desire to find that inspiring music, emitting from somewhere deep down this lonely forest.

I tumbled down, as sharp roots purposefully tripped me, digging their bones into my sides. Stubbornly I got up and continued my journey, numb to all blue splotches covering my flesh's canvas. Scant of breath, gasping for air, exhausted... I could have cared less about my cruel predicament.

Enchanted by the sound of glitter and sawdust, like a mindless, spineless creature I followed the heavenly noise. I was seeking eclat, however it was hiding too skilfully and my primitive mind could not anymore grasp the rules of this simple child's game. Each second was torture. Each note was filled with longing and loneliness, as if the tormentor was playing with the strings of my heart. Although I could sense irony in the air. It was filling every fibber of my being, making me spin in circles, while I lost myself somewhere in this haunted forest. Audience consisting of wolves, foxes, bats and other nocturnal beasts swallowed my body hungrily with their sparkling sapphire orbs. How dramatic. Carelessly I laughed, enjoying the attention of hunger. At the moment I was out of my mind. I was balancing on the grimy edge of sanity and insanity, as the sound of the lovely lullaby was slowly fading away, with the first rays of light, that burned me like fire.

Salty raindrops of sweat rolled down my soft cheeks, or maybe it was something else, although I refused to admit it. To grasp the concept of loosing again. I've been searching this God forsaken woods for eternity... But apparently eternity was not enough. Desperate. The scream bubbles that flied out of my neon mouth were filled with pity, disappointment. A mask of disdain covered my sharp features, as I turned around. I had to get back. There was no point in searching anymore as the music vanished, disappeared. There was nothing else that I hated more than sun. That clear golden orb, which destroyed all the chances, possibilities of finding the gifted musician. I just wanted to look into his eyes and ask for one song, just one song...

My face turned red and I grabbed a branch of a tree, breaking, shattering it in anger. The howls of rage petrified small birds sitting nearby. Squeaking and flapping their wings rapidly, they soared up at inhuman speed, leaving me alone. A cold grotesque smile stretched reluctantly onto my bloody red lips. I was becoming a monster with unnatural long limbs and black pools of glee instead of eyes. A cold smirk dwindled, when I reached the clearing, where the posh mansion stood. A frown of disgust settled down, as I looked at the pointless waist of space. Blank, boring, gray walls and huge rooms overcrowded with antique furniture. Bleak, overrated and nothing more.

After running cool hands and brushing away the reminder of weakness from my lifeless face, I entered the building, hiding like a coward behind a mask of indifference. Pretending, that everything is fine, that I had actually slept the night instead of wandering outside... Acting... It's the only thing I'm good at. Perhaps it's the gene that runs in the family, because none of my relatives know, how to show emotions. And I think, I finally reached the bottom of the pit, because their lack of feelings make me sick and force the disgusting bile up my throat. 'Though I'm not better, in fact I'm worse than all of them combined.
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Tiredly I climb up the stairs, ignoring the curious looks, the maids give me. They are nothing more than noisy gossipers, seeking to exterminate me.

Entering my empty room I look around searching for flaws, which I won't find. Spotless, clean, perfect... Growling like a wild animal on a rampage, I pick up the frame with a family photo and throw it at the tank full of water, smashing my aquarium into pieces. Water and sharp snow flakes of glass hit my skin like a waterfall, infuriating me even more. Books, shelves, lamps, paintings, bed sheets, pillows. Bit by bit I annihilate them until my room looks devastated, until I can barely stand on my feet. With a relieved sigh I collapse onto the ground, clutching the broken glass tightly in my arms. Feathers mix with my blood, reminding me of the red water lilies, as I carefully close my eyes and rid myself of the image of dying fishes. But I don't fall asleep. I can't. I never will. As I am a lonely insomniac, loosing sleep over a hallucinated musician, which is hiding in the haunted forest on the Esterhazy land


Life is what happens when you can't fall asleep. Oscar Wilde.