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And then I woke up. Last night was such a wild ride even though I didn\'t drink anything and didn\'t do any drugs. So I thought it was just a dream. I got up, ready to do my daily routine and all.

Making myself a coffee, everything\'s normal, thinking about this sick-ass dream and how I\'m going to tell everyone about that. And then I saw a note. Terrible handwriting. Good thing I was alone, because I\'m pretty sure I let out the loudest „WHAT THE FUCK“ ever that morning.

Yep. Couldn\'t mistake that handwriting for anything else. Obviously it was that slimey dude from yesterday. And obviously that wasn\'t a dream, 10 minutes passed since I woke up and I remember too much for it to be a dream. Spooky shit.

I often thought about something like that, being the Master of the Universe but I never thought that stuff\'s real.

Second loudest „WHAT THE FUCK“ ever occurred when a drop of bright pink slime landed on my foot. Apparently that thing\'s been watching me since I got home yesterday and... Ugh, no wonder my hair looks like shit today.

So I\'m drinking my coffee, eating that leftover cake and trying to decipher that scribbly writing. Something about best suitable and stuff. Yeah right. I\'m so painfully average, nothing special. Just filling up some space and enjoying cakes. But no, apparently that was just my opinion.

Deflected another drop of that creepy slime falling onto my cake with my crazy ninja skills. Just when I deciphered something like „great at combat“ in that terrible scribble. Yeah right. Being able to catch a mosquito with one hand is suuuuuuch a badass combat skill.

So yeah, apparently I\'m a universe level badass, able to solve literally any problem in a matter of minutes. Is this real life? Is this just fantasy? I used to day-dream about stuff like this a lot, but still. Like hell I\'d believe this terrible scribble but this sapient slime staring down at me from my ceiling is making me believe.

Finished cake and coffee. I should better wash my hair, can\'t go out in public looking like someone sneezed on me. What I\'m gonna do? Is this happening because I always wanted to explore space but failed at school? If I scribble something on that note in my blood, everything will be open to me. I\'ll be almighty, but I\'ll end up lonely in the end. Though I\'m quite lonely nowadays as well so I don\'t think there would be much change.

Thought a bit more while washing hair. Drying my hair, I still can\'t believe that it\'s so simple and I pretty much became something god-like literally overnight. When I was done, another thought struck me. Pinky slime said I\'ll have to do this for about 300 Earth years. That\'s like 3 times the human lifespan!! What about aging?!?!?!?!? I should stop trying to figure things out by myself and ask.

So I found this slime pretending to be a cake. Seriously? Poked him.

„Waaaah, don\'t touch me, I\'ll tell anything!! „ - he said like some basic anime schoolgirl. He sounded completely differently last night. Like a normal human, just a bit too monotone. Maybe his voice pitch depends on his size.

So I asked what is he gonna do about my lifespan. A bright pink snot-like cake looks at me. Apparently I\'ll get stuck in a fixed point in time as soon as I stain that paper. Good enough for me.

Though I\'m still not sure. There might be others who got these terrible scribbles.

„No, you\'re the only one. „

That spooky cake!! Reading my mind like a hipster reads food labels on supermarket!!

It kind of sounds like they\'re out of choices. There\'s like 7. 5 billion people on this planet alone and there are like thousands of other habitable planets. But no, this failure who eats cake for breakfast gets to succeed a pink slime claiming to be an entity close to God.

„You\'ll write here anyway, you have no choice“ - silent high-pitched sound from my fridge.

Weird.

Then again, I have nothing to lose. I distanced myself from everyone I knew back in school and didn\'t make any new connections.

I\'m doing it.

I\'ve never written in blood before, like every other normal person. Fiction makes it look so easy, but it\'s so difficult to actually make yourself bleed. But then again, reality is even crazier than fiction. I can do it.

I\'m not late yet. So I quickly found a needle and after a few tries, I managed to open a tiny wound, just enough to bleed. A little stain is enough.

I did it. Nothing\'s happening. Silent high-pitched screams in fridge. Tiny pink particles getting in my nose. I\'m breathing in the creep that stalked me the whole night along with all other information he had to pass to me.

That lazy snot, disintegrated himself so he wouldn\'t have to bother himself with all the talking.
2016-04-22 22:29
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2022-04-02 02:31
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2016-08-15 10:29
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